I am a 23-year-old boy. I was in a relationship with a girl for the last two years. However, two months ago, she suddenly ended the relationship and till date hasn’t given me any reason for doing the same. I have been trying to move on, but I am curious to know why she decided to end it on a sudden note. What should I do? — SJ
SJ, the law, science, philosophy, logic and good manners are on your side. 1000% she owes you an explanation. You have every right to feel aggrieved. However, according to Bana Prasad, and Pritam, (two eminent social scientists), 93.7% of all breakups result in one member running away from the other without any detailed explanation. The most common break up lines are (a) I’m going, (b) My mother said No, (c) I’ll call you later, (d) I have to focus on my studies, (e) The metro work makes it’s impossible to leave my house. Nobody likes to give the bad news to a partner, even though running away conveys exactly that. What you can do is get a friend to ask her why she may respond better unloading to a third party.
I am a 21-year-old girl. I am dating a guy from my college and we have been together for the last year. However, since our college days are about to get over, I asked him if he will continue to be in a relationship with me. To which he responded saying that he doesn’t know but he likes me. Should I continue in this relationship or is it time to let go? —MY
MY, there is no doubt it’s a strange answer. He appears to be like a trained politician. He’s basically answered you by keeping all options open. In many ways I admire him. So, on a personal level, he’s my hero. Maybe you should pay him back in the same coin? Call his bluff. Ask for separation on trial basis for one week, if he panics, you know he likes you, if he seems okay with it, then your relationship is going the way of Greece’s economy. Either way, my ‘hero’, must be exposed. Remember what the great Ingut leader Totomoto said, “Men are like peacocks, they strut and show off, but under the smugness beats the heart of a caterpillar.”
There is one girl in my office and we have spoken a few times in the last two months. I would be lying If I said I am not attracted to her. But I am not really sure if she also feels the same. I have noticed her looking at me and at times, but of course, this is no clear indication. What should I do? — VED
Ved, generally, speaking, and this is only a general rule, girls don’t go around with a signboard that says, I like you. You may argue that a few girls have, but that was only in the late 70s, and that too during the emergency. Rules of Engagement, says that a successful person in love is one who can read the clues. Does she hold her gaze? Do you see her looking at you from the periphery? Does she initiate chats? Does she appear happy to see you? Does she avoid digging her nose in your presence? Read the clues. Play the game according to the rules. The more chat happy she is with you, the better your chances. But always be patient, and let the connection grow organically.
I am a 22-year-old girl. I have been thinking of joining a few dating apps for a while, as my friends suggest that I should try and meet new people. However, I am not looking for any sort of physical intimacy with anyone. Also, how should I just get try and know a person just through a few initial chats? Please help. —YK
YK, you are right, physical intimacy is highly overrated. Or so I had to tell myself in my first 44 years of life. Please, by all means hit the dating sights. It’s the modern way. Flirting, chatting, being frank, (even if you are lying completely) is much easier through the social sites. There are so many advantages. You don’t have to look your best, you don’t have to get ready, you don’t have to fetch or drop. You don’t have to pay for a meal or a coffee. You don’t have to notice his burping or his bad breath, or his funny walk, or his loud ringtone or his mother fixation. The list is endless. What are you waiting for? Especially since physical intimacy is not required. Please, get to know people online. Sometimes initial chats are the best ones. As you dig deeper things tend to spiral.
First Published: Jan 29, 2019 11:23 IST